Jessica’s Breastfeeding Story
My breastfeeding story started with a struggle, but ended with a feeling of accomplishment. As a mama of two biological babies and recently an adopted son, I struggled with the standards set for me after giving birth to my first two. I felt a strong urge to induce lactation with my son. Not only to quiet the voices in my head telling me that “breastmilk is the only way,” but to also prove that an adoptive mama could produce milk to feed her child.
The day we were matched I began seriously looking into what it would take to induce lactation. We had a last minute placement and I was unable to plan ahead. I felt very strongly that I was unwilling to take hormones, as I’d struggled with hormonal anxiety during both of my postpartum periods. It is possible to establish lactation even if you’ve never given birth. Some women find that they’re able to produce enough milk to forgo formula completely. Others simply want the bonding experience and worry less about producing enough milk to sustain their baby. I reached out to several lactation consultants and nurses. Not one of them had ever heard of a mama being able to breastfeed her adopted child “cold turkey.” I spoke with a friend and pediatrician, who felt based on my breastfeeding history it was entirely possible. I was a mama on a mission. I was ready to prove the nay-sayers wrong. I got a breast pump and began pumping. I referred to the La Leche League regularly. They suggested pumping every 2-3 hours or if possible bringing baby to breast at regular intervals.
Day #1 I pumped 3 times for 10-15 mins each side. I decided to go all out and had Instacart deliver all of the lactation inducing products I could think of. Within two hours, I was drinking fenugreek and Mama’s Milk tea, while baking my favorite lactation cookies (these are delicious but sit like a brick in the belly.-you’ve been warned).
By day #2 I was having “phantom letdowns” but was only able to pump twice, due to being back and forth to the hospital.
By day #3 I was so wrapped up in snuggling my baby and getting him home from the NICU, I forgot to pump. I continued to have “phantom letdowns” and I could tell my body was a little confused. As my hormones began to change, I felt my anxiety increasing. I decided it was time to step back and let nature do what it would. My son was on breathing support and putting him to breast wasn’t an option. I was unable to do skin-to-skin at that time and without the actual stimulation from my baby, I came to the realization that producing milk again wasn’t going to happen for me.
I’d hoped to get an SNS, however Everett wasn’t released from the hospital until he was almost three weeks old. By the time he was off of breathing support, he had no interest in nursing or rooting at the breast. I didn’t want to push it. I realized that I cared more about inducing lactation to prove the haters wrong. In the end, I wanted what was best for my son. He’s nearly six months old and thriving beautifully on formula. I do miss the bonding experience that I had with my bio babies, but I find that I am engaging in other bonding activities that I didn’t even consider with my first two.
Like anything in life, we have less control than we want and adjustment and change are the name of the game. Breastfeeding is no different. Bringing a new child into your home can be a lot of change on its own. Add lactation to the mix and it could add an undo layer of stress. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and take cues from your body. Trust that your body knows what it needs. If breastfeeding is important to you, start researching now and find a trusted professional that aligns with your values.
If you’ve induced lactation, I’d love to hear what worked for you and what didn’t. If you’re still deciding, what factors play a role in your decision making process?
*One of my favorite lactation cookie recipes, https://www.eatingbirdfood.com/lactation-cookies/
