Creating a screening email action plan
Receiving a screening email was one of the most exciting and anxiety inducing experiences of being in the adoption pool. It wasn’t until we received our first screening email, less than a month after entering the adoption pool, that it became clear that we needed a screening email action plan. We were in the pool a total of 14 months. The first half of our wait, I hadn’t thought about the benefits of having specific set of “to do” topics for discussion and/or people we could contact with questions to help make the decision of whether or not to move forward and have our family profile presented to the expectant family. This is when the idea of a “Screening Email Action Plan” was formed.
*A screening email is an email hopeful adoptive parents receive detailing a potential adoption situation. If the hopeful adoptive parent(s) feel the situation falls within their parameters and comfort level, their family profile is then presented to the expectant family.
*A screening email action plan, is a plan of how to address specific concerns, issues, and situations that may arise in a screening email, often with very little time allowed.
Here are 10 things to consider when creating your own screening email action plan:
1. How will you ensure you receive the emails and respond in time? Some screenings come in at odd hours and have a short window of opportunity to make a decision. For example, we once received a screening on 4th of July. It had a 45 minute window to make the decision whether or not to move forward. If you are someone who more regularly checks your text messages than your emails, you can get text alerts when an email arrives from a specific domain . This helped reduce much of the anxiety I felt surrounding the screening emails. At very least, it is important that you ensure potential screening-email senders are on your safe list and will be flagged as important by your email provider.
2. How will you deal with medical questions? I found this to be the biggest challenge when reviewing screening emails. Depending on your parameters, many screening emails deal with at least one medical condition and/or prescribed medication. I found it helpful to include a pediatrician, nurse, and pharmacist that could be contacted with questions.
An example of this is when I received a screening with an expectant mama that was unaware of her pregnancy (over time, I realized this was more common than I initially assumed). Her doctor had prescribed several medications that were unsafe during pregnancy. The pharmacist felt strongly that this was NOT a good situation and advised against moving forward; she sent studies and statistics regarding use during pregnancy. The nurse had worked with several babies that were withdrawing from those specific medications and suggested strategies to soothe a withdrawing baby. The pediatrician saw the bigger picture. She was able to tell me about actual children she worked with and provide examples of what that situation might look like long term. These three perspectives gave us the information we needed to process the risks associated and we responded that we would like our profile considered in this case.
3. Where do you (and your partner if applicable) stand on drugs and mental health parameters? Knowing where you and (and your partner, if applicable) stand on drug use and mental health parameters is helpful before even entering the adoption pool. Your parameters may change throughout the wait, but knowing what your comfort level is will save you from questioning your decisions later on.
4. Would it be helpful to discuss screening emails with a trusted person outside of the adoption situation? My husband and I have very different communication styles. I’m what you’d call a talker and he is not. Discussing certain screening emails, created tension. What I found helpful was to read the email together and then take time to reflect. I would text or call a trusted friend to discuss and he would research or process at his own pace. We’d come together at a later time (even just 10-15 minutes later) and we’d be able to respectfully discuss and decide whether or not to move forward with the screening.
5. Consider the relationship with the birth family. One issue that seemed to come up several times during our wait in the pool, was the impact certain substances and health concerns could and would impact our relationship with the birth family moving forward. If you aren’t comfortable being around a friend with bi-polar disorder or currently in active addiction, but want to have an open adoption that includes regular birth family visits , it may be worth thinking twice before moving forward with a screening that includes these features, even if you are comfortable with the medical implications. This does not only apply to drugs and mental health. Some expectant families indicate specific beliefs and values. They may be looking for a potential adoptive family that holds those same values. .
6. What level of “openness” do you want with the birth family? Despite working with an agency that specialized in “open” adoptions, I received several screenings where expectant mothers wanted a “closed” adoption and others that wanted daily texts. Know your comfort level and understand that your comfort level may change over time.
7. What if the birth family wants to name the baby? How important is naming your baby? Will you be comfortable with the birth family choosing the name? Many times, birth and adoptive families will work together to come up with a name that they feel encompasses both families, but sometimes, birth families want to, or have already, named the baby.
8. What if you still disagree with your partner? If you’re not single and you’re in this journey with a partner, what’s the plan if you can’t come to an agreement on a specific screening email? This should be decided before you receive screenings. For our family, we decided that if either of us was a “no”, we would not move forward.
You never know when a screening email will be “the” screening email. I found it helpful to always go with my gut. In the end, my husband and I only disagreed about how to proceed with two of the screenings. Thanks to the screening email action plan, we had in place, we were able to make informed decisions, that we felt good about.
